


Cullen's Conscience

by Willowflower_Waterlily



Series: Commander Cullen's Thoughts [6]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 21:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3784840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowflower_Waterlily/pseuds/Willowflower_Waterlily





	Cullen's Conscience

Cullen is standing in the courtyard of the Gallows. He knows he couldn't possibly be here, not like this. The statues are in place as though they had never been animated by Meredith's red lyrium blade, and people are walking around him. Faceless, until he looks more carefully. He makes a startled noise, and the ones around him turn and stare. They are all the mages made tranquil when he was knight-captain. "Our handy work." Meredith's voice floats on the breeze coming from the docks.

"No." Cullen shuts his eyes and covers his ears with his hands. Even with his eyes shut, he can still see their faces. They flash before his minds eye. Every single mage he ignored, that were made tranquil due to his apathy, to his anger. Cullen sees them as they were, the faces of the men, women, and children whose minds were ripped in two. And after, all with the brand on their foreheads.

 

Then Cullen feels a shift, something had changed while his eyes were closed. He cautiously opens his eyes and sees that the ghosts of his past were faded, but still there, and in the middle of the courtyard, was Shaelya. She stood staring at him, the only other being there in full color. Her eyes dull and emotionless, the brand freshly pressed. "My latest." He heard Meredith again, "she put up quite the fight, but they always do, don't they?"

"Knight-Captain." Shaelya says, in a flat monotone.

"No!" Cullen screams, walking up to the dark of his quarters. He gets out of bed, and starts to pace, tears flowing down his face. _I'm a monster_ , he thinks to himself, _a monster. No better than Samson._ _Not good enough for her._ Cullen sits down beside his bed, and curls up, crying onto his knees.

 

Hours later, he feels a hand delicately touch his shoulder. He looks up, bleary eyed, and sees Shaelya. Cullen sees the look of worry on her face, and it makes him feel worse. "I'm so sorry." He says softly, weeping.

"But you have done nothing to me." Shaelya wraps her arms around him, letting Cullen cry into her chest.

"I am a monster." Cullen pulls away from her, looking into Shaelya's eyes. "I dreamed of all the mages I could have, should have saved from the brand. And you were there." Cullen reaches up and gently touches her forehead, as though it is the only way he can reassure himself that she is still whole. "It's my fault. I ignored the mages, what they went through. I didn't believe them when I was told about what other Templars did to them."

"Look at me." Shaelya cups his face with her hands. Cullen looks into her eyes, and doesn't see the disgust or hate that he was so sure would be there. Instead, he sees pity, worry. "You are not that man anymore. How do you treat the mages we have with us?"

"Like I would anyone else." Cullen replies softly. "But the things I did, ignored. I failed them all."

"Then make up for it, by doing good now." Shaelya wraps her arms around Cullen and pulls him into an embrace. "I believe in you."

"You shouldn't." Cullen murmurs into her hair.

"But I do." Shaelya pulls away from him, and captures his gaze with her own. "If you were the same man, would you care for a mage as you do me? Would you have even let me cast a simple spell to help you with your pain?"

"No." Cullen whispers. "I would have pushed you away, silenced..." The thought of what he would have done to her scares him. Cullen looks away, but Shaelya moves to be able to look into his eyes again.

"You are a good man, who went through things no one should have. Let me help you."

"You want to help me, even after finding out what I did? What I am." Cullen stares at Shaelya, trying to figure out how he had gotten so lucky to have someone like her care for him.

"Of course, remember what I told you when you woke up from a nightmare not that long ago?" Cullen nods, and Shaelya smiles at him. "It hasn't changed."


End file.
